Photo courtesy of Paula Lively, Flickr.com

You’ve been kidnapped and taken afloat in a giant blimp. Slipping out of your restraints, you manage to knock out your kidnapper. Bam!

How do you land the blimp!!?

This guide is for you!

It’s also for Cameron, who is 4 years old and asked me how blimps land. I didn’t have an answer till now.

What You Need
Blimp
Ground Crew
A Bunch Of Ropes

How To Land A Blimp
1. Notify the ground crew of a landing.

2. Cause the blimp to go from neutral weight to positive weight by pumping in normal air.

3. Once close enough to the ground, release the ropes for the Ground Crew to grab.

4. Finish landing with the help of the Ground Crew.

Bonus Trivia
After you hop out of the blimp, the media and your screaming fans may ask, “Hey, is that dirigible a blimp or zeppelin?” How will you know the difference? And what is a dirigible? Read on to find out!

Blimp
A blimp is a lighter-than-air steerable airship. It is lighter than air because it’s filled with helium. The general rule is, if a blimp loses helium it will also lose it’s shape. The Goodyear Blimp is an example of a blimp.

Zeppelin
Zeppelins have a rigid structure which doesn’t collapse when the airship loses it’s internal gases. The Hindenburg was an example of a zeppelin. The closest thing to a zeppelin in the air these days is a Zeppelin NT, which is not a proper zeppelin as it has a semi-rigid structure.

Dirigible
An airship, especially one with a rigid structure.

EXTRA MYSTERIOUS GHOST BLIMP BONUS

If you’re not all blimped out, please read this creepy real life story about the infamous Goodyear Ghost Blimp directly from the Goodyear site. It’s only a quick paragraph but it’s a chilling story.

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com.

The phone call comes in late last week. A friend. A friend who wishes not to be named.

“I’ve got a great story for you,” he says.

Let’s call my friend Steve. Steve tells me that he’s on Craigslist, poking around when he sees this headline:

Beautiful Olde Mirror with Ghosts! – $65

I laugh and tell Steve that I think this is great. What a clever way to get rid of that old mirror hanging around the basement. I think you can sell anything a lot easier if you say it’s haunted or cursed.

In other words, I’m pretty skeptical about ghosts and goblins residing in mirrors and Steve knows it.

“I’m a pretty good judge of character, and this women seemed really credible. I believed her,” Steve says.

I believe Steve believing this woman. I think people really do believe they’ve seen stuff. Somewhere between seeing the stuff and processing what the stuff means, there is some distortion and the stuff gets turned into ghosts, ufos and chupacabras.

I recently heard a great saying, “It’s not really ‘I’ll believe it when I see it,’ but on the contrary, ‘I’ll see it when I believe it.’”

Regardless of the boring science skeptic explanations, I love the stories. I love the way people create these mythologies around objects and places. The story is the thing. So I’ve reprinted the rest of the ad Steve sent me below:

Beautiful Olde Mirror with Ghosts! – $65
I purchased this mirror from a dealer in Oregon about 15 years ago. The
story I was told is that a woman came to own this mirror from her
grandmother’s estate. When she walked by it one day she saw the image of her
grandmother glaring at her. The images in the mirror became so upsetting,
she decided to replace the failing silver in the glass. Convinced the
disturbing images would stop, she re-hung the freshly repaired mirror in the
parlor of her boarding house. After the mirror had been repaired, each of
the tenants began to see images of people from their past. After the owner
of the boarding home was found dead in her parlor one morning, the tenants
relocated, the boarding home was closed, and its contents were stored.

The dealer I purchased the mirror from, bought a barn-full of unseen items
stored in boxes and old chests. When she removed the mirror from a dusty old
chest, there was a poorly written letter with a story about the images
inside of an old, tea-stained envelope–wrapped inside a tattered fabric
napkin. The dealer could not produce the letter claiming it became a handful
of dust, but she did have the napkin the letter had been folded in.

A friend of mine and myself ‘have’ seen an imagine, but of no one we knew.
We each saw the same image of a woman in a high collared dress(?) with grey
and cream pinstripes’, with 3 tiny buttons on the collar. Her hair was kind
of pulled back with lots of graying strays framing her face. I’ve had the
mirror stored for 12 years until we recently moved. I don’t look directly
into it cause it’s kind of disturbing if I am alone! Who will you see?

Some of my favorite parts:
After the owner
of the boarding home was found dead in her parlor one morning, the tenants
relocated, the boarding home was closed, and its contents were stored.—> This happens all the time. People die, houses are sold and stuff is stored. By putting this bit in a story about dead people in a mirror, it seems a lot more ominous.

The dealer could not produce the letter claiming it became a handful of dust, but she did have the napkin the letter had been folded in…..—>As if a dirty old napkin proves any of this. I love the tenacity of the storyteller.

I don’t look directly
into it cause it’s kind of disturbing if I am alone!—>This may have more to do with the recent owner’s appearance than any ghostly apparitions. Quit telling stories and put some make-up on!

Normally I would just chalk this up to a crank pulling one over on gullible Steve. As a joke, I say to Steve, I say send me that mirror and I’ll put it up on my wall and try to coax any spirits out into the open where they can be interviewed and pose for photo-ops. Since Steve is kind of spooked by the thing, he’s currently keeping the mirror in his garage because he doesn’t want any apparitions getting into his house.

Steve has agreed to send me the haunted mirror with the wish that I properly investigate the claims made by it’s previous owner. I will gaze into the abyss. I hope to see a ghostly image (and that pimple on my chin start to disappear!).

I suspect not much will happen. But if it does, you can be sure I’ll be writing about it here. There will be photos. And video. Because if there aren’t pics, it usually didn’t happen.

Part of me would love for this to be true. To peer into another world full of unseen wonders. I’m open to the possibility. But if I had to bet, I’d bet against it. Still, you never know. Besides, it will make a great story….

Until then check out my exclusive line of haunted t-shirts coming soon to Ebay!

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Squeezed together in the movie theater, the guy next to me shoveling popcorn into his face. Mechanical.

Shovel. Shovel.

The theater, busting at the seams full of people. On the screen whole cities collapsing in on themselves.

Is this a dream?

If you want to remember your dreams, if you want to wake up inside a dream, they tell you to ask yourself, constantly, while you’re awake, “Is this a dream?”

A dream inside a dream inside a dream.

The theory is, if you condition yourself to always ask if it’s a dream, sooner or later you’ll ask when you’re actually in a dream. Once you answer it, you’re awake. In the dream.

Inside the dream that is Inception, the rules are slightly different but close enough to make you think. Make you question your reality for a minute. This reality.

Is this a dream?

Popcorn Shovel Machine next to me burps, the guy next to him keeps getting up, walking in front of me while the laws of physics bend onscreen. And everything feels so real. Like in a dream. Before you wake up.

After the movie, my car is parked way back in the lot behind the theater. It’s just me. Alone in the darkness I wonder if me walking to my car is a dream. How do I know this is the real? What if the dreams are real, what if my fingers tap tap right now are really the dream? Will I ever wake up?

For a minute I’m paranoid. Helpless. Then I smile, because whether or not I’m awake, this is all I know. Because this, whatever it may be, is all there is.

Is this a dream?

Not anymore.

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com

Discrimination is NEVER right. Even when it suits you.

Even though I might personally think it’s not the most sensitive thing to build a mosque near Ground Zero, I will defend the right to do it.

I will defend the right to build a mosque anywhere in the United States.

I’m not Muslim. It doesn’t effect me on a day-to-day basis if it gets built or not. When the day does come that it does effect me and you and our freedom of speech it may already be too late.

You really can’t give an inch on this stuff. You have to go all the way. You have to defend the people who offend you. The people you don’t like. You have to defend their freedom to express ideas you don’t like.

In reality, you’re really defending yourself. And your own freedom.

You have to fight every time.

Nevermind that we used to be a country that prided itself on NOT judging people based on their religious beliefs.

Oh, and here’s the real line in the sand. If you still don’t agree with me then you have to do something. To keep in line with doing the “right” thing.

You have to move all the Catholic Churches away from schools. And playgrounds. Because if you are afraid of Muslims because less than two handfuls did some bad stuff, then you have to also be afraid of the hundreds of Catholic priests who did some really sick stuff to some innocent kids.

But that’s not ALL Catholics, you say.

Well, it’s not ALL Muslims, I say.

And honestly, I’m neither Muslim nor Catholic. I don’t agree with either one. At all, actually.

But I have to defend their freedom to express themselves. The free flow of ideas and speech.

Anywhere in America.

Anywhere they want.
-Jason
From Anywhere in America

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com.

In an acting class I took in college, the first 10 minutes were always spent on the floor, on our backs (separately), eyes closed.

Doing nothing.

Really doing nothing.

Making every attempt not to do anything.

No thinking, no doing, no nothing. Just breathing.

At first it was boring and seemed unnecessary. But after the first few sessions, I began looking forward to those 10 minutes of nothing. It was the only time during the week that I wasn’t doing something. I was just being for a ten minutes. And it felt amazing.

Ever since, I’ve always been a big fan of not doing anything.

What Happens

Your mind fights.

It resists.

It wants to do something.

It starts worrying.

It fantasizes.

It pleads with you not to ignore it.

But if you stick with it, just let your mind go and focus on the nothingness, within 6 or 7 minutes you really begin to relax. You start to feel pretty good.

Just by doing the opposite of something. Nothing.

How To Do It

There aren’t many instructions for this drill. Kick off your shoes (socks too), take off your glasses and find a soft place to lay down (anywhere but the bed). Close your eyes.

Set a timer for 10 minutes because you might fall asleep the first few times. You don’t want to miss doing something because you were doing nothing.

The thoughts will come. Don’t fight them. Just remember the goal.

Do nothing.

Now just let go.

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com

1. Take 10 really deep breaths.
2. Pop in the Passion of Christ and take notes.
3. Do a headstand.
4. Write in his journal.
5. Say a prayer.
6. Pretend that everything he says and does is being recorded.
7. Color.
8. Stretch.
9. Go for a run.
10. Visualize world peace.
11. Turn on the Playboy channel. They’ll call back.
12. Recite that speech from the end of Signs.
13. Plot a comeback with M. Night Shyamalan.
14. Give Dr. Phil a buzz.
15. Take a nap.
16. Watch The Housewives of New Jersey and realize there are people crazier than him.
17. Do the Sun Salutation. At least 10 reps.
18. Browse through How To Win Friends And Influence People. Concentrate on the “win friends part.”
19. Call Michael Richards and ask how he’s kept it together for so long.
20. Ask himself, how would Jesus answer this phone call?
21. Call some friends and organize a poker game.
22. Go a couple rounds on Wii Fitness.
23. Listen to Binaural Beats for 30 minutes.
24. Do this breathing exercise: Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 7. Breathe out for a count of 8. Repeat this cycle 4 times.
25. Express his feelings through interprative dance.
26. Draw a self portrait.
27. Read ZenHabits.net.
28. Go to the library and borrow The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. If it’s out place a hold on it.
29. Take a quiz to find out your emotional intelligence.
30. Email the Dalai Lama
31. Learn a card trick.
32. Study Buddhism.
33. Learn how to make an origami bunny out of a dollar bill.
34. Drink a tall glass of water.
35. Check to see if Old Navy is having any sales.
36. Write an outline for a movie about a crazy actor who beats up his girlfriend and threatens to kill her but is redeemed when he makes a movie about the whole ordeal and casts himself as the lead. Wes Anderson to direct.
37. Meditate.
38. Do the dishes.
39. Dry The dishes.
40. See what’s on Oprah.
41. Use a Neti Pot to clean out his sinuses. This will enable him to breathe easier and cut down on huffs and puffs.
42. Adopt an animal from a shelter. On second thought, don’t do that.
43. Read Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?
44. Create his own version of the Aristocrats Joke.
45. Be silent for 5 minutes.
46. Repeat the phrase, “Each and every day, in each and every way, I’m gettig better and better.”
47. Go swimming.
48. Make the switch to decaf.
49. Write something clever on Twitter.
50. Update his Facebook status.
51. Have a light meal high in protein, low in carbs.
52. Sext Pat O’Brien.
53. Argue the merits of Capitalism and the Free Market.
54. Ask Costner if he needs help saving the ocean.
55. Apologize in advance.
56. Have a cup of tea.
57. Plant something in the garden. Fresh fruits are necessary for a complete diet.
58. Respond to today’s winks on Match.com.
59. Take a vow of silence.
60. Read this list.
61. Call Christian Bale and vent.
62. Turn on the answering machine and pop open another beer.

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The Last Airbender is based on a cartoon that, according to Wikipedia, is “Asian-influenced.” And boy are people pissed that there aren’t any Asians in the movie. Which, as far as I can tell, is pretty racist in itself.

The whole point of Not Being Racist is to not judge people by their race. So anyone who complains about the race of the people acting in The Last Airbender (which is a fantasy by the way and completely different than say, having Ashton Kutcher play Martin Luther King) is actually using Racism to fight Racism!

You can’t use the thing you say is bad to attack said bad thing. Which was the logical flaw with the seemingly well-meaning Affirmative Action. Using a system based on people’s race to combat people not getting jobs based on their race further perpetuates people thinking about you based on your race!!!

It’s also the weird thing behind killing someone because they killed someone. You can’t talk about how murder is so bad and then go and murder someone (Capital Punishment). Well, I guess you could (and do), it just wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense.

And you can’t be angry at M. Night Shyamalan for not having Asian actors in his Asian-inspired fantasy. Because that’s racist. If you’re going to Not Be Racist (and I hope you will) then you have to Not Be Racist ALL THE TIME. Not just when it suits you and your race.

Bottom line, kill the movie because it’s poorly made (and it really looks that way), not because of the skin of the people acting in it.

For Further Study
Check out Death at a Funeral, a movie remade just 2 years after the original with a cast of a completely different race than the original.

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com

On the ride home Sunday, I nearly almost drove off the rode. A half a dozen times. Crazy ideas dancing circles in my head.

Started with 2 or 3 things I wanted to write about. I scribbled them down as fast as I could because I know if you try to remember later they fade away into nothingness, the way dreams do.

Before I knew it, one idea led to another idea led to another idea and the next thing you know I’m driving with my feet trying to get it all down.

Thinking about it now and all of a sudden I’ve got another idea. In the time I’ve written above wordage, I’ve come up with 5 more ideas for projects, add-ons to existing projects, story things, Surf The Gasp features and what happens to the main character’s boyfriend in the TV pitch I’m writing. All free flowing if I get out of the way.

If you have a project you’re working on (if you don’t, stop reading this, find one, come back) here are a few tips to generate unlimited ideas.

Catch Your Thoughts

Like a journal, but for your thoughts/ideas/things to do. Call it a Catch. So you don’t lose your ideas. The big secret about ideas is that we all have them in abundance, but if you don’t record them, or Catch them, they tend to hide in dark corners. Drag them out by their feet and flop them down on paper.

The simple act of writing down your ideas reinforces the act of generating more ideas. Plus it empties your head of that thought leaving you with room for more thoughts.

You can collect your thoughts on dirty napkins, your arms, with crayons or in a special moleskin journal. Doesn’t matter where. Only matters that you do it each time you get an idea about your project.

Write them all down then filter and edit later.

Expand To Include Every Idea

This is a tough one. We talked about something like this yesterday in 10 Reasons To Listen To People You Hate.

Drop your position about what the “right” positions are and watch the flood of ideas wash up on the sandy beaches of your mind.

Your position about what is “right” will block you from new ideas, always. It’s only till you realize that you generate those “right” positions that you’ll be able to generate unlimited ideas.

Don’t worry, you’ll still have all your positions and beliefs. But now you’ll hold onto them and all the conflicting ideas. Once you contain your positions inside yourself you’ll expand out to contain all positions.

At this point you never fear of running out of ideas.

Give Away Your Best Stuff

Writing magic books for the last couple of years has been a great thing for me in that I had to let go of some of my best ideas. When I created TUBE, I wanted to hold it close like a sleeping baby and never let it go. It was a trick that no one else ever did or knew the secret to and that made me happy. If I wrote it up and sold it then I’d have to let it go. And what if I never had an idea as good or different?

Well, 5 books and a couple of notebooks later, I found my answer. When you hold on too tightly to ideas it’s hard to come up with new ones. Giving away your ideas trains your mind to come up with more. It’s that simple.

Give them away, use them up, write them down or somehow forget about them. Don’t hold back the good stuff. Get rid of it.

This act of completion allows you to move on to the next thing. And more ideas.

Peter Max and The TakeAway

Photo courtesy of U.S. Postal Service

Couple of years ago at a gallery opening with a bunch of friends, we met the iconic pop artist, Peter Max. He was late because he drove himself, got lost. Still had paint splatters on his black jeans.

Somehow got to talking and I told him I write stuff. And he said something that’s stayed with me all this time. I can still hear him saying it.

“Jason, it’s all the same. The more you write, the more you write. The more you paint, the more you paint.”

This, coming from someone who has been prolific for decades, from someone who works on up to a dozen paintings at a time, his brush moving one canvas to another.

You want unlimited ideas? Start now, with one, and let the stream take you where it will…..

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Photo courtesy Photos8.com

My fingers slide across the iPod to turn it off. They push the radio button. And the voices that come out of the radio make me really mad.

This is a good thing. A very good thing. One of the best things.

A couple times of week I turn down the music (lately Pearl Jam, Beastie Boys and Sun Ra, in case you were wondering) and turn on the talk. It’s mostly conservative stuff, Rush Limbaugh talking about how he doesn’t mind The Big Oil Spill, Sean Hannity upset with The Big Bad President or Mark Levine complaining about the media, The New York Slime and other colorful turns of phrase.

I don’t agree with most of it. We don’t share the same point of view and I really don’t like their method of attack. All the more, this makes it important that I listen. That I set aside MY prejudices and thoughts and points of view. That I force myself to see where there coming from.

There is no truth, only point of view. People don’t have differing points of view because they are evil or bad. They have different points of view because that’s the point of view they think is the best. The most useful. It makes sense to them. I usually forget this while I’m yelling at the radio in response to something said.

Sometimes listening to these different ideas has opened up my mind in ways that listening to people I agree with never could. At times I have to drop my worldview and totally take on where they’re coming from. It hurts and it’s hard to let go of some ideas that I really love. But that’s sort of the point.

I’m often reminded that the stuff spinning around my head are just ideas. Not the truth. Just some stuff I thought in the past and continue to think.

After listening to this stuff with an open mind, you find your own ideas aren’t screwed in as tightly. They’re a little looser. This makes it easier for you to drop some ideas when they stop working.

Here are a few more reasons why you should listen to people who drive you nutty….

10 Reasons You Should Listen To People You Hate

10. You might learn something.

9. “They” usually think you’re as nutty as you think “they” are. Find out why.

8. The only way you grow and learn is by challenging the ideas you hold tight.

7. If there is an idea you really can’t stand, it’s better to figure out a way to understand rather than hate it. Nobody likes a hater.

6. People you disagree with are just doing the best they can with the information they have. Practice compassion.

5. Disagreeing with someone on one point doesn’t mean you’ll disagree with them about everything. You may be missing out on useful information.

4. It’s fun to explore different worldviews.

3. There’s nothing else on Talk Radio.

2. You stop taking your own ideas so seriously because you see how many “other” well supported ideas are out there and being talked about by educated people.

1. Your ideas might be WRONG! (The most important reason)

GRAMMAR TIP: The plural of “Point of View” is “Points of View.” Just so you know (I had to look it up).

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Photo courtesy of photos8.com

I’m no scientist. Not even close. But this newest study sounds a bit sketchy. Especially with the headline: Now scientists read your mind better than you can.

A group of 20 people were questioned about their sunscreen habits and whether they would use sunscreen in the upcoming week. After finding out whether the participants used sunscreen or not, the scientists looked for patterns in brain activity that could indicate whether they would use the sunscreen or not.

The Study

While having their brain scanned, a mix of 20 men and women listened to “messages about the safe use of sunscreen, mixed with other messages so they would not guess what the experiment was about.”

BUT….and this is a magnificently huge BUT (aren’t they the best?), the participants were questioned about their sunscreen habits and also gave them a gift bag that contained (among other things) sunscreen. Which may have caused them to be more conscious of sunscreen than normal, even if they didn’t figure out the study was about sunscreen.

A week later, after the participants of the study were questioned about their sunscreen use, they went back and tried to find patterns in brain function to see if they could find brain activity that corresponded with whether or not they used sunscreen. According to the study, the scientists were able to predict, better than the participants, whether they would use sunscreen.

Advertiser’s Dream?

The research may be used by “advertisers seeking to hone a motivational message…” As if the advertising business needs any more help getting us to buy more stuff we don’t need.

Study Needs More Study

I’m suspicious of the results given that the researchers are trying to find links after the actual events. Doesn’t knowing the outcome taint the research?

Robert Anton Wilson, Research in General and ESP

It reminds me a little bit of a Robert Anton Wilson story from Prometheus Rising. He talks about how over the decades of ESP research, they’ve come to two definitive conclusions:

1. If you set out to prove the existence of ESP, you’ll find evidence of it.
2. If you set out to disprove ESP, you’ll find no evidence of it.

In setting out to find a correspondence between actions and brain activity, are the scientists inadvertently finding what they want to see?

I’ll be interested to see if this research is applied to see if  future behavior can be predicted before it actually happens.

For Further Study
Now Scientists Read Your Mind Better Than You Can
Prometheus Rising

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